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Eurovision 2011: Competitor-to-Competitor Rated

Every May, Europe come together and celebrate the cheesiest of music evenings of the year. Yes, I am talking about the Eurovision Song Contest. Music festivals have started on a positive note so far in the UK with the launch of another BBC Radio One's Big Weekend in Carlisle and Glastonbury is to come as well as other musical celebrations. It is going to be a summer like no other.

Eurovision this year is in the city of Dusseldorf, Germany. Winner of last year's event in Oslo went to Lena, the German contender hence the reason why the contest this year is in the wonderful Deutschland.

I absolutely love Eurovision, I think it's brilliant and every year the UK take part in the competition. Some perform better than others. Josh last year put the Great Britain 25th of 25 whilst newly appointed Sugababe Jade Ewen the previous year put us in the top five so this year, no one knows how well UK will do.

This article will give you indepth analysis of every single competitor in order they perform. I will voice my opinion on their singing performances as well as their staging and lighting etc. I will be the Simon Cowell of Eurovision you can say. Alongside each review, I will mark each contender out of ten. This is going to be a long night.

Oh how I love the music to introduce Eurovision. Gets me in the spirit. All focus is on Dusseldorf, let the contest begin! I've tuned into BBC One with Graham Norton commentating. I wished Terry Wogan did it, I miss his commentary.

Australia is 5am apparently. Thanks for that! Lena is back for Germany as well so she has to take "full concentration". With these three German presenters, I can picture how a typical breakfast show would be like in Germany. With the thought of that woman's underwear being blue, a typical show would be... colourful.

An electric start to the show. One of the hosts of the competitions starts to have a sing along to last year's winning song. Quite a catchy version actually, very jazzy. I have to praise Dusseldorf's arena. Very big, cramming a lot of the spectators in which adds to the atmosphere. It's a pretty stadium.

A few pre-warnings. I'm writing this as if I'm watching it live. It's almost like a story so hope you enjoy my analysis. If you were offended by my ratings, I can only apologise but some of the songs will probably be stinkers.

"Phone lines will open in a minute". Wait, what? A bit early, don't you think? UK are 14th, matching the date of the contest. Good omen, or am I looking into things too much? "Let the show begin", oh thank goodness.

Finland, Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam
Put your hands up in the air, a mellow start to the show. A Jack Johnson type of performance, a man with his guitar. Putting my marks harsh on this one, he's not singing in Finnish. I get impressed to see people sing their native language rather than English. Not easy being the first competitor though, give him credit for that. I like it. 7/10

Bosnia-Herzegovina, Dino Merlin - Love in Rewind
Strange start. Wooaaaoo. Tony Christie wanabee, I'm a fan of Christie but this one is an unusual choice by Bosnia, but another dancy song which we can all live with for sure, that's what Eurovision is for. They use maths in the song. Get your fingers out and start counting their multiplications. 6.5/10

Denmark, A Friend in London - New Tomorrow
First five seconds of the song, and it's already got me smiling. Jedward hair though, oh dear! We'll be seeing enough of this tonight for certain. Air guitar and nice singing, I'm impressed. In the middle of the song, I'm getting tired of it, getting a little repetitive. He's using the most of this very big stage, running around going "uh oh, uh oh." Disappointing end. 6/10

Lithuania, Evelina Sasenko - Ces't Ma Vie
I remember their song a few years ago saying they've won Eurovision, was probably the worst song I heard that year. Sasenko though going for a more romantic mode. Dark blue lights making the song more mysterious as we first anticipated. Norton says it's similar to Jade Ewen's entry, I have to agree with him which doesn't give me a good impression on this song, unoriginal. Sasenko is pretty though, perhaps a consilation. A bit out of tune on a few occasions. 6/10

Hungary, Kati Wolf - What about my Dreams?
The title says it all. She has a dream to win Eurovision and she will act like a spoilt brat if she doesn't win tonight. Very pop-like performance. Time to start dancing because this song is very Eurovisiony, weird looking dancers in the background and costumes to match their dancing. Not vocally perfect but it is catchy, random "ahh's" though which put my mark down lower. 6.5/10

Ireland, Jedward - Lipstick
Yes, they're back to haunt us. Much talked back this week as they return for the first time since their embarrasing "Under pressure" debut single last year. We all remember them in the X-Factor two years ago, even if we didn't watch it. They struggle in the verses but I like the chorus, maybe the backup singers are doing a good job helping them out, I'm unsure. They've done Ireland proud, I guess but they're the type of duet that we really don't know how to make of them. Explosive end though, wow. 7/10

Sweden, Eric Saade - Popular
This will probably win, because the song title says so! A young fellow is the singer, one for the 13 year old girls. It is head banging song, in a good way. I like it, it's very pop-like. Boy band dancing there after singing the chorus for the first time. He's getting out of breathe though, too much dancing but he is right, he will be popular. Sweden have had a good record in Eurovision before and won't surprise me if this song will be in the top five. 7.5/10

Estonia, Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street
They're invading a city, the girl is on a building. King Kong, watch out, because there is someone competing with you to the top! This singer reminds me of one those who competed in a battle to be Dorothy on BBC One last year. Dancers are terrible, Kylie Minogue dancers need to teach them a lesson or two. She's very plain but the make-up, there is too much of it. 6/10

Greece, Loucas Yiorkas feat. Stereo Mike - Watch my Dance
Greece tend to perform the most consistent out of most of the countries here. They're always somewhere in the top ten year on year. Oh dear, if this gets anywhere near the top, I will have lost the will to live. It's rap but terrible rap. And the chorus, cringe. Failed Phantom of the Opera here, it's terrible. The first really unimpressive performance though, good start to Eurovision. Putting my hand where my ears are, it is horrific. 4/10

Russia, Alexej Vorobjov - Get You
Russia have won the competition recently so no pressure, Alexej. It's a promising start, good vocals there. A lady's man I see, to me he looks like a failed 80s pop star but it's catchy. Dancing maybe a little shabby. Dozing off now, a little repetitive, not the first time I've said that tonight. The guy's gel is wearing off now, dancing too much. 6.5/10

France, Amaury Vassili - Sognu
He's the favourite, according to Norton. The bookies always get it right as well so we'll see. 21 year old, long haired slimmer version of Bryn Terfel. Yes, we have an opera singer in the arena. Lovely background though, very nice sunrise. He's singing in his native language which is absolutely brilliant, da iawn (well done in Welsh, if you didn't know). A little ordinary though, wouldn't be over-joyed if he won tonight. Not great reception by the crowd though. 6.5/10

Italy, Raphael Gualazzi - Madness of Love
Loving the piano solo, voice too quiet *puts volume up*. Is he shy? I'm waiting for a belting chorus though. He's a good pianist. Now he sings a little more powerful now. It's very nice, something I'd listen to on a Sunday night. Got a bit of jazz in there too. This has to be my favourite so far. The little screeches though are a down-point but only a minor one. 8/10

Switzerland, Anna Rossinelli - In Love for a While

Dark horse, according to Graham Norton and Anna's boyfriend is part of the band so he'd better not miss up, let alone Miss Rossinelli herself. It's a nice start, liking the music in the background as well, an overall good performance. It's free spirited, peace! 7.5/10

United Kingdom, Blue - I Can
Yes, we've heard enough of this song already but we're optimistic in Britain. They've had countless of interviews, I know the song very well. It is a good song, a good comeback by Blue in all fairness, it's the first time they're back in about six years. Tonight's peformance, seems a little nervy. Nothing like Bucks Fizz but it's Blue - the band we loved when we were eleven. Lee isn't screeching in this version anyway which impresses me even more. Hope we're not last this year. Good times. 7.5/10

Moldova, Zdob si Zdub - So Lucky
I've seen this song before tonight because it's a YouTube hit, everyone must have seen this. Manic singing, extraordinary hats, mad lights and... the woman on the one wheeled bike with a flute. Does she fall? She's done enough dress rehersals this week so she can't fall, and she doesn't which is alright. This is Eurovision being Eurovision. 6/10

Germany, Lena - Taken by a Stranger
She won it for Germany last year and she's deciding to sing for her country again. Will Germany get to host Eurovision next year again? Last year's song was enjoyable and this one is almost where she left off in Oslo. We all know her singing , she has a pleasant voice - I like it anyway. She's keeping it simple this year, it's certainly not going to win, unless I'm wrong. Don't know. It is a plain song, this one. She is getting sassy in her older age, and vulnerable. Come and get me, she says. Well, she must be old enough now. 6.5/10

Romania, HotelFM - Change
Great start, the piano solo's are great tonight. Singing not all that marvellous but I can live with that. It's catchy, like a couple of them tonight. It's got a smile on my face, I like this one a lot. I could have this on my iPod (if I owned one, of course). Sorry, Italy but this one overtakes you, just. It's bouncy. 8.5/10

Austria, Nadine Beiler - The Secret is Love
We're in song 18 of 25, getting there. If you're reading up to this point, I must be doing something right. Good vocals from Nadine, very nice indeed. The singing is like Jennifer Hudson, very powerful at times, I like it. I've been easily impressed tonight, perhaps it's because I have more of an open mind. It might be something I eat, but this song is very good. Another song I'll be happily listening to on a Sunday night. 8/10

Azerbaijan, Ell/Nikki - Running Scared
I look forward to Azerbaijan's performance all the time. Because I'm half Middle Eastern, these type of songs has that influence. Very electro. This entry on the other hand, is like watching the end of a film which has a happy ending. The woman is very Middle Eastern, dark with bleached hair. She's very attractive though, takes my mind away from the singing. Not a good sign, well, ok maybe it's a good sign. It's very different to a typical Azerbaijani entry so therefore, I'm unimpressed. 6/10

Slovenia, Maja Keuc - No One
I have to remind myself, this is not Slovakia, but Slovenia. More piano, I like. Maja likes moving her left hand, Graham Norton says her voice is like Christina Aguilera. I see what he means, especially when she pronounces her vowels. It's catchy, and again a very attractive young lady. Not too much of the singing though, and since this is a singing contest, it's hard to say if this will go far up in the rankings. I like the ending, a belting end which is always welcome. 7/10

Iceland, Sjonni's Friends - Coming Home
Start of the song reminded me a teeny bit of "forever in blue jeans" by Neil Diamond, but it's another nice song. More jazz and the voices aren't shabby either. I can see why they're "friends", great chemistry between the lads. This is the type of boy band I'll be listening to regularly. It's very uplifting. Romania, watch out because I feel Iceland are your main competitors here. 8.5/10

Spain, Lucia Perez - They Can't Take the Fun away from Me
The song is in Spanish, but it would take me a while to write it. Great start, very Spanishy. Something you'd listen to when you're at the beach. And Miss Perez is singing in Espana which is absolutely fantastic. Great musicians towards the end of the show, one must admit. Italy, I thought were going to run away from it but they're slowly going down and down in the ranks. Very bright and uplifting tune. In order to vote for them, you have to type in six consecutive "2"'s which is easier for the people at home, so they'll be high up in the table because of their number. 8/10

Ukraine, Mika Newton - Angel
Slow start, must have been a technical glitch. Could it affect Miss Newton's performance? I might have heard this song before tonight, a bit similar to the other slower, mellow songs but she's screeching a few times which is a bit off putting. Not a huge fan of it. Even the belter parts aren't that marvellous either. Unimpressed, sorry Ukraine. 5.5/10

Serbia, Nina - Caroban
Very 60s style. The dress, the music, the background singer dancing. It's like watching a Dusty Springfield concert. Cute dancing and dress. The colours on the screen behind them is a little off putting, it's like as if someone's got high but it's good. I feel Nina could do with a bit more support if I'm honest, at times she's a bit lost. 7/10

Georgia, Eldrine - One more Day
The last entry of the competition. Some people like them and Graham Norton has warned me that it is a rock song so I have to embrace myself here. Perhaps they've not saved the best to last. We can see the dress sense is a bit poor, doesn't really represent their country but apart from Spain, we've not seen country's colours from anyone tonight. This song is giving me a headache. Mr. Norton did warn me, oh dear. Makes Greece's performance appear gold. 3/10

Well, the music is all done. I've seen those who've impressed me and I've seen those who have harmed my ears. Iceland and Romania appear to be my best and worth shouting out for Spain, Italy and Austria. Greece and Georgia were awful. Well done UK as well, you've done all you can, same goes for Ireland as well. It's too close to call I reckon. Not an obvious winner here.

As the continent votes, I'm personally glad there is a break in the middle. Writing all the competitors in one shot isn't the easiest job.

Phone lines are closed, and votes are being counted. Will be intriguing to see who will vote for who. Eastern Europe helping their neighbours as usual? Will Ireland help the UK out? Will UK help Ireland out? We'll soon find out. While the votes are counted, we are shown some singing entertainment to keep us busy, as if we haven't had enough of it already.

Executive supervisor of Eurovision says voting has come in high numbers. It's shown on Twitter as well. Loads of responces are seen anyway. It's getting closer to the votes. All 43 countries will announce who will get 12 points, or douze point. And who will get the nil point?

It's time to announce the results, and see all the people announcing the results for their countries. See all the make up and dresses for the ladies, and the suits and possibly make up for the men as well. We're in the fashion show point of the contest. Russia first country to announce results and UK get four points. Promising start.

Bulgaria give UK 12 points. Wow! We've done better than last year already and we've only made it to the second vote. Italy give the fourth vote and UK are leading by one point. Astonishing, but Cyprus gives faith to their neighbours Greece and UK are second after five results. Ireland are doing well too considering no one really likes Jedward. Hungary just given them ten points.

Tenth votes are by Macedonia. UK get five more points, now fourth place. Didn't expect this. UK is the 13th vote to be announced and seem to give the points to the bottom teams, and Ireland 12 points, of course. Sweden are gaining momentum and Ireland get 12 more points in Denmark. This is remarkable, now they're ahead of Blue. Azerbaijan are catching up on Sweden now as Poland announce their vote. 17 votes gone and Ireland are now in the top three. They're doing better than how they performed in the X-Factor.

Germany vote after 19 results. Ireland still in the top three whilst Spain could be getting the wooden spoon, Azerbaijan are top. Half way through the vote and there is no clear winner but Sweden are leading. France are struggling which is a surprise especially when he was favourite.

We're approaching 30 votes soon, and UK haven't won any major points in a while. Another one point from the French. Ireland's honeymoon period appears to be over. Italy having a mini comeback. United Kingdom are slowly approaching the bottom half of the table. Moldova getting points here and there which is getting them a top 10 place.

31st result in Albania, UK get six points and Azerbaijan are developing a gap at the top. 18 points as it stands with twelve countries to go. Italy are showing a real fight. Ireland have 87 and UK, 78 after 32 results. Azerbaijan have 27 point gap ahead of Ukraine with ten votes to go, Portugal help Spain out. Italy now in the top three for the first time after 35 votes. Switzerland are now last.

Final votes are coming in. Bosnia announce result number 36. Ireland add two points to their tally, Azerbaijan have 46 point gap. Unless a miracle happens, it seems as if Baku will host 2012 Eurovision. Ireland's turn to vote, UK are given six points - not as generous as what British gave to the Irish. Italy are Azerbaijan's biggest threat now.

Israel's turn and five more votes to go. UK are given one point. Sweden regain second place. Four to go. Ireland reach triple figures whilst Azeri's get to 200 point mark. Moldova next to announce results. UK have 95 points currently. Azerbaijan have one foot to glory. Two more countries to go, welcome Belgium. Azeri's have officially emerged victorious. Latvia last vote. UK reach 100, but edged out of top 10, Ireland finish with 119. Azerbaijan get the trophy with 221 points, the girls there are screaming like - girls! Well done to them and well done to everyone else who competed.

1. Azerbaijan, 2. Italy, 3. Sweden

Well, that's me done. If you've read up to this point, I'm proud of you. I really am! Thank you for reading.

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