Thank the heavens for MPs on recess

MPs should stop channeling their inner-Neymar (Image: Mashable)

British MPs are now in recess. Hallelujah! We may hear arguments that politicians shouldn't take as much time off as teachers and school children do, but these politicians need the six weeks to themselves. They need it to recuperate and ultimately, use this as an opportunity to unwind and take a break from Twitter.

If I were to describe the current crop of MPs at the moment, I would say they're a bunch of Neymars'. Neymar, for those unaware, is a football player who plays for Paris Saint-Germain and Brazil. While he is a record breaker, in terms of being the 'most expensive footballer' and no doubt a huge talent and natural winner, he is also infamously known as being a downright diva. He was widely seen as a laughing stock during the most recently concluded World Cup when, every time he made contact with an opposing player, however minor, he'd roll on the floor as if he's been run over.

Why do I compare him with MPs? Firstly, it's difficult to deny politicians' talents (no, not in lying) in representing their constituents. They get a lot of slack, but I'm serious in suggesting that at least most of them are very good at their job. But their downfall, like Neymar's, is their ability to nag and nag and nag, when there isn't any reason to. When Neymar goes on the floor in the way he does, we tell him to get up.

Same applies here with these MPs. They roll on the floor, gasping for attention over any issue, regardless of how contentious it is. Take the EU-exit debate, for instance. Prime Minister Theresa May finds herself in a complete pickle where, a little nudge from her to get anything passed the House of Commons, she has these elected members of Parliament throwing a Neymar-esque tantrum. Whether it is through the recent resignations from David Davis and Boris Johnson from the cabinet, Anna Soubry shouting down at those 'Leavers' who have "gold plated pensions and inherited wealth", or Jacob Rees-Mogg "slapping down" Sir John Major, they're going through a bizarre cycle where the debate they're involved with goes absolutely nowhere.

But have you noticed that, despite the noise, nothing has progressed or changed? In debates, finding a winner is often difficult. Why don't the likes of Anna Soubry and Jacob Rees-Mogg both admit they've not won over the public and thus, at the very least, trust their Prime Minister on the job she has at hand?

I'll leave that question rhetorical, because not only, clearly, Theresa May doesn't have that trust from her colleagues, but I have homework for these politicians to at least consider attempting during their summer break and beyond. Like school children, they can choose to follow through or not. If they opt for the latter, I believe the existence of the political parties we see today, in the next decade, won't last.

Homework

Conservatives

Theresa May - Ignore your backbench. It's that simple. When you are negotiating with the EU, it is only you and new 'Brexit Secretary' Dominic Raab who have to face your counterparts in Brussels. If you have a strategy you're both happy with, that is all that matters at this stage. Offering a deal you're not convinced with will be an absolute disaster. You deciding to resign between now and March 2019 - when Article 50 trigger period ends and thus UK leaving the EU - will be an even bigger disaster. Convince us your way of 'leaving' the EU is the best way.

Theresa May with Boris Johnson (Image: iNews)

Leave backbenchers - Plot against Theresa May at your peril. Your allies from the frontbench - David Davis and Boris Johnson - tried to fight your corner yet, ultimately, weren't able to supply with your version of 'goods'. They can blame the Prime Minister for them leaving all they like, however, if they were convinced 'Brexit' was possible, they'd not have resigned. Appreciate that Theresa May is going ahead with 'Brexit', full stop.

Remain backbenchers - Here's an ultimatum for those in this category; accept Theresa May's approach or leave the Conservative Party. They can claim the 'Leave' Tory MPs are 'hijacking' the Prime Minister all they want. Right now, you need them more than they need you. When Europe is no longer the hot topic, you'll need to be on their side when it comes to health, education, defence and the economy, as you've done in the past. If, say, Anna Soubry or Nicky Morgan can't face up to joining alliances with Jacob Rees-Mogg or Boris Johnson on domestic policy (and vice-versa), they need to rethink what party they want to vote on behalf of.

Labour

Pro-'People's Vote' campaigners - Have trust in Jeremy Corbyn. To him, the EU isn't on the top of his priority list. That may be a good thing. His focus is on the NHS, schools and public services. He's consistently on message in terms of what the Labour Party stands for. He comments on the EU-exit when necessary, but don't rely on him to talk about it every five minutes. He's as bored of it as many of us are. And it's reflected in the polls too (YouGov on 17th July shows Labour on 41%, Tories on 36%, Lib Dems on 9%). If the public were so in support of the 'People's Vote', the polls would look good for the Liberal Democrats. It isn't, and I believe it's down to Corbyn's focus on the sectors that truly matter.

Jeremy Corbyn - Have trust in your colleagues who are so passionate in getting a 'People's Vote' on the final EU deal. You don't have to necessarily endorse the idea, because to be honest, I am not wholly convinced what options they want on that voting paper. However, little-by-little, they are, like the Leave voters in the Tory Party, plotting against you once again. Don't let the anti-Semitism debate drag you down once more. And don't let your inaction on Europe overshadow your leadership.

Anna Soubry with Chuka Umunna (Image: Daily Mail)

Liberal Democrats

The Lib Dem's homework is to stop suggesting they're the 'centrist' party that can unite the 'Remain' voters and MPs from Labour and the Tories. They won't be. Imagine Anna Soubry, Sir Vince Cable and Chuka Umunna forming alliances after Britain leaves the EU. They can agree all they want on Europe, but on most issues after that, they'll be biting each other's heads off. Europe may unite cross-benches, but that's it.

The devolved nations

Welsh Labour - Pick a leader who has the ambition to drive Wales to the next level. As Wales leaves the EU, as like the rest of the UK, the need to get the country of nearly four million as a force to be reckoned cannot be underestimated.

Plaid Cymru - Avoid an internal fight. Leanne Wood has been comfortably their leader for a long time now, and, during election season, is a popular figure across Britain. However, that remains in question now as she has a leadership contest to contend with. If this vote turns out to be more split than what they expected, it's up to her or her successor to unite their members, as they aim to grow.

SNP - Plan for an independence vote for 2024, and not sooner. Give 'Brexit' five years to work for Scotland and if it doesn't, try and use the five years to gain good relationships with the big wigs in Brussels. It also gives you time to decide on more reasons to break up away from the UK, other than potentially regaining EU-membership.

Ruth Davidson - Your popularity is both desirable and admirable, yet this can either make or break the Conservative Party in Westminster should you escalate your ambitions further. It's time to choose between managing Scotland or the UK, as many want you to do. If the former, then completely distance the Scottish Conservative Party with the one based in Westminster, if you want a majority hold of power in Holyrood.

Northern Ireland - Keep it together. You've done so well to keeping relative peace after the Good Friday Agreement was signed 20 years ago. Don't let the EU 'hard border' debate, or the fact there has been no Parliament for nearly two years, be an excuse to return to old habits. Even if there is a 'hard border' once UK leaves the EU, react with calm, and matters will resolve.

And, a special homework for Donald Trump - please don't declare World War III.

I truly believe that MPs at their finest - in forming lasting alliances and not playing petty politics with each other - are the best for their constituents and, therefore, the country. Right now, I'm politically homeless. None of these parties tick the right boxes. They're stuck with every single one of them acting like Independents. They don't represent the parties they claim to support, not at the moment anyway. Only they can change this perspective, however. It's time they did it soon.